(9) presence

Ponder this Insight: How can you fully experience your Presence here and now? Connect with the sensations of life in your body, from the top of your head to the bottom of your feet. (The Wisdom of the Enneagram, 47)

 

Coffee. A miniature apple cobbler in a new ceramic ramekin. Waking up to an odd, disconcerting dream about a house fire and firefighters trying to use Pepsi to start putting it out while untangling their hose; my whole family had been there and there was product placement, even in my dream. His unending ideas, now to buy a boat only a few days after finalizing the sale on our new truck. They are truly unending and I am here, listening, present to his ideas without allowing my reactions to steal the reins. Traffic outside is steady, constant. Where the hell are all these people going and why? Why do we get up and move in the morning? What is it that pulls us or drives us? I felt satisfaction seeing that our trash had been picked up today. Isn’t that odd? Last week missed because of the holiday and I am looking forward to trash pickup? Perhaps it feels like a small accomplishment already: Even while I sleep, I am productive because we put out the trash and they picked it up.

My body feels heavy into the couch. The steam rising from the coffee has lessened, probably ready to drink before it becomes cold. The sensations of life in my body. A morning chill prickles down my scalp and neck. I am aware of listening, his footsteps, birds, traffic, pump station. He walks over and steals the first bite of my mini cobbler and I watch for his reaction. “Pretty good!” is the verdict and I smile, on face and in heart. Feeding him, feeding anyone, gives me great pleasure. Take note of that, heart, for the next time you are wondering about the heaviness of calling. I think feeding feels like tangible love. I see sun outside. My thoughts are slow in pace this morning, which is something of a relief.

I am here and now. But I realize I am not particular practiced at this, this being present, especially being present to my body. So I will try to remember to practice again. Soon.

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