(23) longing

The blind man is sitting, begging, alongside the road. Someone tells him that Jesus is in the crowd passing by and he begins to shout, “Jesus, have mercy on me!” Initially everyone tells him to shut up. But he yells louder and “Jesus [stops] in his tracks.” (Mark 10:49 MSG) Jesus comes to him and asks directly, “What can I do for you?” or as my mom paraphrased it,

what are you longing for?

Bartimaeus knows exactly what his answer to this question will be: “Lord, I want to see.” When I cry out and Jesus asks, “What are you longing for?”, what is my answer?

I long for connection. Unbroken fellowship and communion with the human beings surrounding me. A long, long table with laughter, children, tears, bread, wine, telling and listening and understanding. To be known as I am and to know another. To be wholly connected within myself  — bone, muscle, tissue, marrow, soul, spirit, mind, emotions — accepting and accepted, welcoming and welcomed. To share moment after treasured moment, day after  grubby day, through whispered secrets across pillows, triumphant exclamations of praise and joy, a hug, two hands holding, music and words and light woven together into meaning, boots stamping in puddles, short messages, and long walks.

I long to be purposeful. To know what I am meant to do and then have the courage to do it. To catch a glimpse of the direction in which I am walking. To bravely search my heart and discover something unique that I have to offer.

I long to see. To see that the dishwasher unloaded is an act of love. To see hope intermingled with the rain. To see hymn titles in the numbers on the alarm clock. To see love in the grace and patience of everyday things. To see Jesus.

Jesus said, “What can I do for you?”
The blind man said, “Rabbi, I want to see.”
“On your way,” said Jesus. “Your faith has saved and healed you.”
In that very instant he recovered his sight and followed Jesus down the road.

(Mark 10 MSG)


One thought on “(23) longing

  1. Pingback: (61) for god’s sake, write (1 year later) | walking forward.

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