All I want to know is:
Am I on the right track? Is this step the right one? Will it really be alright in the end? And what will the end be?
Setting aside the obvious observation that I cannot have really any, let alone all, of these answers, a better question is do I, really, want to know all this?
I’ve always disliked those books where you can supposedly choose your own adventure. I would read through all of the options and possible endings before choosing what to do next. Seriously. Once I decided which ending I liked, I would figure out exactly which options to choose to get there (if you enter the cave with Susy, turn to page 45…).
Not surprisingly (have we been through this before?), I often think I would love to do the same thing in real life.
Example? Long distance marriage would be one. What will our marriage look like at the end of this very long-looking year? He reminds me that many other families weather this no problem. We both express confidence that it’ll be fine. But what does fine look like? Here is one story in which I don’t want to misstep. I don’t want to turn to page 67 if the option on page 35 is the right way to reach the ideal ending. I want to read the endings, choose the best one, and work back from there.
Also not surprisingly, God doesn’t seem interested in offering this option. I mean, sure, there may be ways to sort of choose steps in the right direction. But I won’t know what the end looks like until I get there and I won’t reach the end until I’ve lived through each day of the middle.
Which makes this journey feel very much like a choose your own adventure book in which I cannot read ahead.