(59) anniversary (letter to a dear man, far away)

There is just one little thing that I cannot get over
And that is going to sleep without you.
I anticipated this, remember?
Muffled and not so muffled tears into your back, night after night
“I just don’t want you to leave.”

And now you’ve been far away from me for a whole three almost four months
And I’m still sometimes surprised at how cold the empty side of the bed feels.
I still occasionally find tears waiting for me here, alone in bed
After making it okay even happy through another day.
I wonder if this is what the grief would feel like
If you die before me someday and I’m really left without you.
It might be different though
I hope we’ll have lived many more years together
And I imagine we’ll mean even more to each other by then.

Just recently I’ve started sprawling across the whole bed
Instead of staying on my side
And I imagine you coming home and teasing me like you always do
About commandeering your side of the bed
But the truth will be the same as always
I love being close to you.

It’s our anniversary next week
Two years, can you believe it?
So little, and at the same time, so much.
If these first two years have been so full
Of everything, really
I can hardly imagine what the next years will bring.
Let the adventure continue.

And God willing, the adventure will include
Many, many simple nights
Of falling asleep in this bed
Beside you.


2 thoughts on “(59) anniversary (letter to a dear man, far away)

  1. You made me cry!! Night times are hard. All the grief that we held at bay by the activities of the day comes rushing up. I’m praying for you. May you experience the deep, deep comfort that only God can give.

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