(89) on feeling uninspired

(a 5 minute free write on the wordlessness of the last month)

The thing is that the last post I wrote felt so beautiful to me and I want to match it. But sometimes the writing flows in a certain moment, sometimes the ideas are bright and fresh and drunk, spilling over with words, nouns, verbs, adjectives, prepositions, all meaningful and exciting and perfect for expressing the thoughts and feelings within the words and behind them.

And then when life is ordinary and mundane and full of normalcy, the only place the words manifest is in trying to fumble through whatever I might be wondering about or wrestling with in conversation with another person. Yet even then, sometimes the conversation is stilted. I can say exactly what is true, but it’s in black and white, it’s as hard-edged as a file cabinet and just as organized, but not bursting with meaning and truth.

In the gap between returning from New Mexico and this moment, he and I parted ways again and I sank back into my normal life again for a moment before diving headfirst into the season of Lent, with all its challenge and intensity.

***

It’s odd, my five minutes ends and the words crash to a halt, vanish.

 

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